Why It Should Always Be Moony and Padfoot
by lorddior
Summary: There's a good reason why it should be Moony and Padfoot and nothing else. SBRL oneshot


This just came up when I was sitting around, doing nothing.

It's oneshot, and just for a good laugh :)

Please review!

* * *

"A stray dog, Sirius?" Remus asked, looking up from his news paper, and facing his lover.

"Yeah." Sirius replied, seeming a bit guilty and proud at the same time. "It's just out the door."

"Okay..." Just out the door, huh? Sirius was probably thinking about something Remus would be reluctant to agree to.

"I was wondering..." Sirius started, twisting his hands into his pockets. "Could we keep it?"

"No." Remus replied sternly.

Remus Lupin was not a harsh, cruel man, but he was not willing to keep a dog because he would have to imagine actually walking it unlike Padfoot, and also because he was just to annoyed and tired at the moment, as there was less than six hours left till full moon.

"Please, Remus?" Sirius pleaded. "I promise to take good care of it."

"Yes, I'm sure you would, Sirius." Remus continued, trying to avoid the pleading eyes and raising the newspaper once more. "But we already have a dog."

"Yeah, but still!" Sirius pressed on, pushing away the paper so that he could face Remus. "Please, Moony? Please?"

"No, Sirius." Remus said, shaking his head now, to get rid of the gaze. "No."

"Remus." Sirius tried once more, this time in a little more serious tone. "It's homeless, starving, and cold. Show some mercy."

This time it was Remus to look up at Sirius.

Hmm...that did make a good point. Maybe they could keep it just until they could find it a proper owner.

"Fine." Remus replied, opening his newspaper once more.

Sirius' whole face brightened up.

"But make sure you take her somewhere else tonight." Remus noted. "The wolf may hurt her."

"Right." Sirius flung an arm around Remus. "Thanks, Moony."

* * *

A couple of days had passed since Sirius had brought home the dog, and they had kept it.

It was a shepard dog, probably smaller than Padfoot, but still quite big nonetheless.

Remus later learned that it was female, and was quite surprised that Sirius still wanted to keep it.

"It's not like anything's going to happen because it's a girl." Sirius replied, shrugging.

Nothing did happen, and Remus found the company quite nice.

When Sirius was out for work, and he was home doing Order work, he had good reason to get out of his chair every once a while just to walk the dog.

"I think we should name her Dolly." Sirius said one day, as they were having a drink sitting on the couch.

"Dolly?" Remus asked, after a long sip of butter beer. "Why did you think of that name?"

"I dunno." Sirius shrugged. "Just came up. I mean, we are going to have to name her, Remus."

Remus frowned slightly. Maybe they were getting a bit too attached with the dog.

"Well, Sirius, mind you, we should start making posters so that the dog's original owner knows we have her." Remus replied instead, very lightly and matter-a-factly.

"What?" Sirius frowned. "But she's homeless!"

"Homeless, not ownerless." Remus said lightly. "There's a difference."

"But I want to keep her!" Sirius whined. "Don't you Remus?"

No, Remus thought inwardly. Well, yes, he did like the dog, but Sirius was getting a bit too attached with it.

They ended up dropping the subject and talking about random topics, draining first bottles of butter beer and then another bottle of fire whisky.

"All gone." Sirius muttered, giggling as he tipped the fire whisky bottle, as if trying to catch a last drop.

"Hmph." Remus replied, trying to get up, but not finding it easy. "I'm going to bed."

"Bed?" Sirius replied, trying to stand up himself, but collapsing back onto the sofa.

"Uhuh." Remus managed to stand holding on the edge of a small table next to the couch, but tripping and stepping on 'Dolly's tail.

Dolly, or rather, the bitch to Remus, yelped and then growled at Remus.

"Ungrateful bitch." Remus muttered. "Don't y'know the phrase 'never bite the hand that cleans you'?"

"It's 'feeds' Moony." Sirius said from behind, lying on the sofa. "And don't be mean to Dolly."

"Shut up, Pads." Remus mumbled. slightly annoyed, which soon turned to immensely annoyed from the alcohol and unsteady steps.

"Dolly didn't do anything." Sirius retorted, still very drunk.

Days like these, when both were too drunk to 'take advantage' on either, one of them usually ended up sleeping in the couch, and Remus saw good reason to why Sirius should be the one.

"Fine." Remus announced, trying to sound less slurry. "You can sleep with Dolly on the couch, Sirius."

"'kay." came Sirius' answer, and soon a giggle. "Stop it, Dolly! No licking!"

"And no blankets for you." Remus frowned, hearing Sirius continue to giggle. "And I said that, but you didn't hear me so don't say anything else tomorrow even if you end up sneezing your eyeballs out." and he stomped up the stairs.

"Hey, Moony!" he heard Sirius shout from the sofa. "Where's my blanket?"

Remus decided to ignore him, and walked into their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

The next day, Remus woke up to find a very guilty and terrified looking Sirius looking down at him.

"Sirius?" he mumbled, still sleepy. "What's wrong?" he frowned as a horrible headache struck him.

"Remus, I..." Sirius started, shaking like mad.

Remus squinted to look up at Sirius and found that Sirius was pale in the face and blue in the lips.

"Oh no..." he tried to reach up for Sirius' forehead. "Did you catch a cold?"

Sirius shook his head with a fearful look.

"No, it's not that, Moony..." he mumbled. "I...Dolly...We..."

Remus frowned. Dolly? Oh, right, the bitch.

"What about Dolly?" Remus asked, feeling very uncomfortable and dodgy. "What happened?"

"I..." Sirius shuddered violently. "Moony, you should have never let me sleep on the couch last night like that when I was drunk and.."

"Sirius," Remus cut in. "What happened?"

"I...no, not me, but Padfoot..he..." Sirius blurted out.

And Remus needed to hear no more.

"Padfoot and Dolly..?" he asked, blinking several times. Sirius nodded miserably.

Remus broke out in laughter.

It was not a pleasing idea to know that your lover just had sex with a bitch in his dog form, but for some reason, Remus found this hilarious.

"Remus!" Sirius looked shocked and hurt and confused all at the same time. "Stop laughing!"

"Dolly..and you.." Remus managed, breathless, and teary. "Oh god..that's..." he started to laugh like mad once more. "..hilarious." he breathed out, still clutching onto himself.

"Moony!" Sirius seemed terrified. "I thought I was your lover!"

"You are.. you are, Sirius." Remus managed, holding onto Sirius arm, trying to stifle both remaining and forming laughter and trying to reassure Sirius at the same time.

"Then aren't you supposed to be furious?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Furious?" Remus stopped laughing to blink several times.

"Shouldn't you be upset or jealous or both?" Sirius asked.

Remus blinked several times before howling with laughter once more.

"Moony!" Sirius shook Remus holding him by the shoulders. "Please be serious!"

"Sorry, sorry.." Remus said, wiping tears out of his eyes, before laughing again. God, his stomach hurt.

"I don't want to be a dad, Remus!" Sirius stated out, still shaking Remus. "Especially not a dad of a bunch of pups!"

That only made Remus laugh even more madly.

It took several more violent shakes and mad laugher for Remus to finally stop laughing and gasping for air, still grinning.

"Okay, stop shaking me, Sirius. It's causing nausea now." he cleared his throat as Sirius let go of him, looking at him with pitiful eyes.

"So." Remus started, suddenly sounding very business like. "What are you going to do now?" he laughed inwardly as he watched Sirius bury his face in his hands miserably.

"I don't know, Moony! I don't know! What should I do? What if she's pregnant? I told you, I don't want to me a dog daddy!"

That sent Remus to crack once more.

"So.." Remus managed after another set of laughter. "Still disagree on finding the owner?"

* * *

Remus was surprised, yet unsurprised when he got a phone call one day as he was trying to interpret ancient runes several months after the incident of Padfoot and Dolly.

"Hello?" Remus answered.

"Hi, this is Roy, the owner of Snow?" It was confirmed the day Sirius and Remus found the owner, that Dolly already had a name; Snow.

"Oh, hi.'" Remus replied, trying to stifle laughter as the incident of Padfoor and Dolly came all back to him. "How's Snow?"

"She's fine." Roy said joyfully. "More than fine, actually. She just had puppies!"

Biting his lip just to maintain sounding like a normal man, Remus tried casually.

"Oh?"

"Yeah!" Roy continued excitedly. "I don't know who the dad is, but she just had eight, and one of them is really..black."

Remus tried very hard to not laugh, and felt tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh." he as he felt his nose start to itch from stifling laughter and sniffed. This was just too much. "Congratulations!"

"Yeah, thanks..." Roy stopped. "Remus? Are you crying?"

"No!" Remus replied, wiping his eyes and chuckling at the same time. "You misunderstood." Very much, Remus added inwardly.

"Oh, okay then." Roy continued brightly. "Hey, would you like to come over and see the pups? I could give one to you and Sirius if you'd like."

"Sure." Remus said, feeling laughter pile in him as he imagined how Sirius would pale in shock if he brought home a pup. "I'm wondering. Is that black pup female?"

"Umm...wait a moment." There was silence. "No..it's male. You want a female?"

"No. That's great. I'll visit you today."

"Sure." Roy replied. "See you soon? I'll get ready to give you the black one."

"Thanks."

And as soon as Remus hung up, he howled with laughter, as he stumbled towards the fire place to floo Sirius.

The End

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it :D

Review please!


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